On a father-child cure: relaxation for stressed parents

Many other parents are between wage and care work – too often irritable, doubtful, exhausted. My high blood pressure, which has persisted for years and could not be controlled with medication and exercise alone, proved to me in numbers: I need a break. I had often thought about a father-child treatment in the past. Other tasks just seemed more and more important to me.

Getting there was easier than expected. My family doctor confirmed that I needed treatment. The health insurance company quickly approved the application and at the same time warned: German health clinics have been extremely overcrowded since the corona pandemic and waiting lists of more than a year are not uncommon. I was lucky: because a patient dropped out, I found a place for my older son and myself in the clinic of my choice. In summer! The primary school gave me the OK; I didn’t have to justify myself to an employer as a self-employed person. Four months and an eight-hour train ride later we found ourselves in the Black Forest.

For the first two days I felt like a stranger. I saw no similarities between me and the other parents who arrived from all over Germany at the same time – ten percent of them were male, including only three who came without their partner. I wanted peace and quiet, no small talk, until I realized the obvious: we were all there for similar reasons. I let myself in.

Understanding of the local feeling of stress

In the morning I got up at 6:30 a.m., jogged through the spa park and looked forward to coffee and a breakfast buffet after the shower. During the day, my son took part in homework and small group supervision and I took part in activities such as Nordic walking, outdoor sports and power fitness. In exchange sessions, I learned about the realities of life, concerns and goals of other mothers and fathers. In individual psychotherapeutic discussions, I received understanding for my feelings of stress at home, encouragement (“You are enough”), recognition for my desire to change, and suggestions for rethinking.

In the afternoon the two of us walked through the forest, breathed in the saltwater air, and ate ice cream. In the evening we played Uno in the common room. On the weekends we went on trips with other families; a low-screen quality time that was good for us and our relationship. Thanks to the feedback from other parents, my perspective increasingly readjusted itself away from the focus on deficits and towards strengths.

Almost like an all-inclusive vacation, but without the fear of missing out

Even my worries that I wouldn’t be able to switch off even when I’m far from home because of the loss of earnings disappeared. I only felt stressed because of the daily changing schedules and the breaks between treatments that were too short or too long. The cleaning service and three very regular meals helped: I experienced a rare feeling of being allowed to exist, a short-term recollection of more important things. Like an all-inclusive vacation, but without the fear of missing out and the occasional boredom.

My blood pressure thanked me: it was in the healthy range from day one, and without tablets from day three. It stayed down for three weeks – and shot right back up when I returned to my desk at home. The inner unrest was back. Since then, I’ve been working on positive self-reinforcement and giving myself time off. In theory I know what I still find difficult in practice: I cannot change the demands of everyday life, but I can change the way I deal with them.

This is what a therapist says: I have been working in the same spa clinic as a remedial and special education teacher for 26 years and offer educational advice and group training there. Our team of 150 employees welcomes around 100 adults plus children every three weeks. The number of fathers is increasing, but still only makes up a fraction of the participants. Many people fear problems with their employer. But even referring doctors often don’t know that the offer also applies to fathers. The idea of ​​a “mother-child cure” dates back to the post-war period; the term is no longer relevant. The men who participate usually do so with their wives. I also think this option is best for a family, as it strengthens you for everyday life together and shares an experience.

It’s primarily about the parents

The precautionary measure that such a treatment is considered to be is primarily about the parents. We provide “accompanying children” with care from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., where they do crafts, play board games and go on excursions. With your own patient status, you can also take advantage of therapy offers. Typical reasons for the treatment are exhaustion and excessive demands on the parents, which we specialize in treating.

During the admission interview, we decide together which applications would be good for the patient. Exercise and relaxation options are mandatory, psychotherapeutic or educational discussion options are optional. In an interim conclusion in the second week, we will make adjustments if necessary. In the final examination, we check whether the initially targeted treatment goals have been achieved.

See parent-child treatment as an opportunity

Everyday stress and strain increase. But also social awareness, the extent of self-reflection and your own demands. More and more participants want to work on their self-development and increasingly know what they need. I think it’s wrong that many people really want to go to the North or Baltic Sea for their treatment; the clinic has to be right, not the location. But almost everyone now knows: a parent-child treatment is not a holiday at the expense of health insurance, but a necessary opportunity. Your success depends on your own motivation.

We also recognize that patients only rate the benefits of their treatment as high in the short term. Working as the biggest stress factor in everyday life cannot be eliminated. However, our social advice always operates with regard to the family situation and recommends the participants contact points at home. I am sure that lasting treatment success can be achieved even in three short weeks. And if nothing has changed, those affected are entitled to a treatment again after four years, or even sooner with a new diagnosis.