On the one hand, most of us seem to agree: there is too much arguing in public spaces and on social media. Too vehement, too vicious, too emotional, too hateful. On the other hand, we hardly notice how much this heated public discussion penetrates our own speaking habits. Like a color that – washed at the wrong temperature – discolors the entire load of laundry in the drum, what could be called dead-end terms creep into many conversations more and more casually. In other words, words that prevent interested questions. They devalue and lead to a communicative end because they convey condemnation. This promotes a comprehensive inhibition of thinking and talking.
Everything and everyone is toxic
An example? We call all kinds of fellow human beings or groups of people toxic and by that we mean characteristics that are unacceptable to us. However, these no longer have to be specifically named (which would encourage questions). What exactly feels toxic to me and why? However, calling an entire person toxic stylizes him or her as potentially deadly. Which of course – warning: dead-end term – is bullshit.
Nobody can kill us by their mere existence. Conversely: When two people argue, they expect (something) from each other – learn something, understand something or differentiate and distance themselves. They may find particular qualities in each other intolerable. A certain behavior can How feel poison.
Blanket defamation as a communicative blockade
When the idea of having to stay away from “toxic others” becomes common in a society, it loses its unifying basis for thought and conversation. Yes, sometimes you need terms that succinctly sum up a certain quality. And yes, sometimes indignation, anger, incomprehension or rejection need to be expressed.
But it becomes difficult, as with poison, when these feelings accumulate systematically, almost gradually and on a daily basis and reinforce each other: because the dose determines the fatal effect. As the world literally becomes more and more toxic, we accuse each other of being toxic.
We cannot or can hardly escape the real poisons in seas and rivers, in food or in clothing. Are we fighting toxicity in the wrong places? In any case, the general defamation or even poisoning acts as a communicative block for our society, whose cohesion is currently being put to the test. To emerge from the dead ends of division, we need qualities such as calmness and curiosity. But they can only be lived individually. Instead of mutual contempt, respectful criticism, instead of blanket defamation, differentiation with a pinch of generosity and humor. Ways out of a dead end start with a small half pirouette.
Vera Kattermann is a psychologist, psychological psychotherapist, psychoanalyst and training analyst in her own practice in Berlin
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