I only understood this idea, which had formed in me over the years, late in life. For a long time I believed he would give me the freedom to fulfill the high standards I set for myself. During my studies, in the clinic, later as chief physician – perfection seemed to be the way forward. But the harder I tried, the tighter it became.
At the time, I thought freedom came from achieving my ideals. Today I understand: It comes from enduring the gap. The difference lies in the perspective – from the pressure to fulfill demands to the possibility of seeing imperfection as a source of humanity.
It was only through meeting my patients in psychotherapy that I learned: Real self-determination does not begin with perfect success, it begins with permission to be imperfect. Enduring the gap between ideal and reality creates scope for humanity. For me, this is the most important step today: away from “having to do more and more” – towards more serenity, closeness and freedom. That’s exactly where a new strength arises for me, which doesn’t come from effort, it comes from inner clarity.
Sven Steffes-Holländer, is a specialist in psychosomatic medicine and psychotherapy, social medicine specialist, medical director of the Heiligenfeld Clinics and chief physician of the Heiligenfeld Clinic Berlin. He is board member of the Academy for Psychosomatic Medicine and Psychotherapy in Berlin and lecturer in psychotherapy science at the SFU Berlin
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