In an interview, the most renowned shame researcher June Tangney reveals how much religion and upbringing shape our bad conscience. With the first questionnaire you can find out how prone you are to shame and guilt. Our second questionnaire is dedicated to the question “How high is my relationship debt?” (interpersonal guilt) – this is one of the seven types of guilt that can be derived from psychological research.
Questionnaire 1: Am I prone to shame and guilt?
The following scenarios are based on a test from June Tangney’s research. On a scale of one to five: How likely are you to have the above reactions? One means: very unlikely; five means: very likely
1. You went to dinner with a friend. At 7 a.m. you realize you’ve stood him up
A) You think: “I am reckless”
B) You think, “I want to make this up to you as soon as possible.”
2. At work you break an object and cover up the damage
A) You are thinking of quitting your job
B) You think: “I should compensate for the damage”
3. At work, you don’t plan a project until the last minute. The project will be a failure
A) You feel incompetent
B) You think: “I deserve punishment for my wrongdoing”
4. You make a mistake at work; you blame a colleague for it
A) You remain silent and avoid contact with this colleague
B) You are unhappy and soon clear up the misunderstanding
5. While playing, you accidentally throw a ball into a friend’s face
A) You think, “I’m too stupid to even throw a ball.”
B) You apologize and take care of the friend
6. You run over a small animal with your car
A) You think, “I’m a terrible person.”
B) You feel bad because you didn’t pay more attention
7. You write an exam and think that everything went great. In fact, you get a bad grade
A) You feel stupid
B) You think: “I should have studied better”
8. You make fun of a friend behind his back
A) You feel shabby
B) They take back their statements and talk about his good sides
9. You make a serious mistake on a work project. Others relied on you, your superior criticized you
A) They would like to sink into the ground
B) You think, “I should have recognized the problem and done a better job.”
10. They look after a friend’s dog during the holidays. The dog runs away
A) You think: “I am irresponsible and incompetent”
B) They promise to be more careful next time
11. You spill red wine on the hosts’ new cream carpet at a party. They think no one noticed
A) You would like to be far away right now
B) They stay until the end of the celebration to clean up the stain
Evaluation: Am I prone to shame and guilt?
Add the values of all A answers and B answers together.
Answers A:
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33 to 55 points: You probably have an increased tendency to shame. It is quite possible that you often have a guilty conscience and judge yourself strongly. It might be worth taking a closer look and turning shame into a feeling of guilt: “I made a mistake” instead of “I am a mistake.”
Answer B:
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46 to 55 points: You have an increased tendency to blame. Your moral compass is rather sensitive. They can be very hard on themselves, but will do the right thing even when no one is watching. You can be trusted with the club’s treasury without hesitation.
source
Tangney, J.P. et al. (2000). Test of Self-Conscious Affect–3 (TOSCA-3). George Mason University; Author’s translation
Questionnaire 2: How high is my relationship debt?
This questionnaire gives an initial, playful indication of the size of your relationship guilt (interpersonal guilt). On a scale of one to five, how much do you agree with the following statements? One means: “I strongly disagree”; five means: “I completely agree.”
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I feel uncomfortable when I am more successful than my friends
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I feel uncomfortable when I’m doing better than others
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Parents, children and siblings should always come first
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I feel uncomfortable when I think critically about my parents, children or siblings
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I think a lot about my parents, children, siblings
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When something goes wrong, I often ask myself: How could I have prevented this?
Evaluation:
Most people get between 2 and 20 points. If you score higher, you probably feel more relationship guilt than average. It may be worth taking a closer look at your patterns: Where does being considerate of others fundamentally prevent you from following your own path and taking good care of yourself?
Source:
The statements are inspired by Interpersonal Guilt Questionnaire: O’Connor et al. (1997). Interpersonal guilt: the development of a new measure. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53(1), 73-89
Would you like to find out more about the topic? Then read also:
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Why there is not just a bad conscience, but psychological research has shown at least seven different types of this bad feeling that can be useful in our lives Come to terms with myself.
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