Gossiping in the Workplace: Why Good Teams Gossip

Know the terms “tabloid press” or “coffee gossip”. People like to talk about people.

The psychologist Myriam N. Bechtoldt has published several empirical studies on this and would like to defuse the term of blasphemy. “In research, we use the English term gossiping, which has less negative connotations in German,” says Bechtoldt. “This term initially only means that we are talking about absent third parties.” She is a professor of leadership at the EBS University of Economics and Law and defines talking about others as a cultural technique that can fulfill important functions. Some of these are particularly useful at work, because the workplace is a socially complex space and rich in dependencies. After all, organizations are strongly influenced by role models, power relations and unspoken norms.

At work, unlike in a friendship or romantic relationship, we live in relationships that we did not choose ourselves. Nevertheless, the need to gossip at work is no greater than in private life, says the psychologist. But it sometimes fulfills other functions.

Seven functions of gossiping in the workplace

1. Gather information

Anyone new to a company knows the many inner question marks: What makes the boss really tick? How direct can you be here? What are unspoken expectations? In this situation, the exchange about others takes on a useful function: we orientate ourselves on the assessments of those who are already familiar with the environment that is new to us. We then ask something like: Is the boss a fan of compulsory attendance? Can I safely call in sick if I have a bad headache? We ask questions and then evaluate the reactions. People depend on this information, says Bechtoldt. This is how they understand informal rules, behaviors or hierarchies. At first this is simply observing and collecting facts and details.

Gossip can also warn of social dangers. The whispers in the coffee kitchen or lunch break give people more valuable information about others than would be possible through simple observation.

This means we find out explosive news that is not on the intranet or in the employee magazine and is not said in large meetings – for example whether restructuring is imminent or whether someone in the team is dissatisfied or overloaded.

2. Compare information

Once we have collected enough information, we check the collected impressions by talking about absent third parties: Am I interpreting them correctly? So we then ask a team member in confidence: “Is it normal that my colleague doesn’t respond to my emails for a whole day, or have I perhaps done something wrong?” You want to find out whether your own assessment is right. “People seek confirmation for their own experiences,” says Bechtoldt. In this way they cushion uncertainty. We also have our colleagues verify or correct rumors, scraps of information and things that we know from hearsay.

3. Build trust

In her research, Dutch psychologist Bianca Beersma found that we use gossip in everyday life to learn about the reputations of those around us and then decide how we will deal with them. Beersma is a professor of Organization Sciences at the Vrije University Amsterdam. “On the basis of this information, we decide who we should trust and who we should cooperate with – and which people we should distrust,” she says.

“Gossiping is also maintaining relationships,” says psychologist Bechtoldt. In this way, we signal that we trust each other and are likeable – and we also find out what makes our counterpart tick. Maybe like me? “When we discuss a violation of a rule or a norm by an absent person, we create agreement about our perception,” she says. Shared reality Psychology calls this a comparison of the way we see things. Something like this: “I don’t think it’s right that Andrea keeps interrupting our boss.” If the other person sees it similarly, if the constructive gossip is confirmed and complemented, this feeds the feeling of togetherness. The trust arises primarily because we take a risk with our offer to talk: After all, the colleague to whom we tell this could pass on the information without our consent – in other words, gossip about us.

4. Protect from harm

Sometimes we also talk about absent third parties out of concern. For example, when a colleague warns the newcomer that the boss is moody and doesn’t take criticism well. In such a case, the aim is not to put someone down, but rather to protect a person from harm, to explain informal work processes or to warn about the quirks of others. For example, if you say: “Be careful when you have a customer presentation with Tim! He often cancels, even at the last minute.”

In a study about people’s willingness to cooperate in organizations, Bianca Beersma found that they are most likely to pass on negative information about colleagues to confidants who have already had bad experiences with the person. So you want to warn against renewed negative contact. “The recipients overwhelmingly believed the gossip to be true and adjusted their behavior toward the people involved,” says Beersma. So people take this gossip information seriously and base their behavioral intentions accordingly. For example, someone may prefer not to give Tim any more important tasks – not to discredit him, but out of caution. This also works the other way around, by sharing positive impressions about absent people. According to Beersma, gossipers usually have good things in mind and want to promote future interactions in a positive way: “If you want the construction site to run smoothly, take Kerstin as construction manager!”

Anecdotes therefore function like little teaching stories and they indirectly discipline group members by highlighting positive behavior or making deviations from desired behavior visible. If a colleague tells the person sitting next to her that she doesn’t like it when colleague Schulte dials into meetings late, the person sitting next to her knows: I should pay particular attention to being on time with her.

By talking about others, we also warn each other about people who violate the norm. If they are even higher than us in the hierarchy or generally have a high power status, gossip is a way to alert others to possible risks. This can be less dangerous than entering into conflict openly. “Gossip is a counterweight to those in power,” Beersma concludes.

5. Regulate emotions

Gossiping also helps us to let out frustration about nagging colleagues or stressful superiors without endangering hierarchies. People like to gossip in the break room, over lunch or on a short walk because direct criticism is often not possible in the power structure or would be socially risky. To do this, we sometimes call a trusted colleague if a grumpy patient has annoyed us, a customer has been unfair or the superior has made an unpleasant statement. “Not every annoyance can be addressed directly,” says Bechtoldt. “It’s helpful to first talk to someone you trust about your feelings and give your anger space.”

But people shouldn’t forget to have a direct, constructive confrontation afterwards, advises Bechtoldt. Managers are responsible for offering opportunities for employees to exchange ideas. Regularly asking teams for feedback and having lots of one-on-one conversations also reduces gossip because it creates situations in which people can talk about their feelings and perspectives.

When chatting about the behavior of others, colleagues also agree on shared values. This allows cliques to form in informal spaces – small islands of collegiality, even friendship. Such connections also make it easier for us to shoulder unreasonable demands at work.

6. Feel joy

Gossiping together can be harmless guilty pleasure be. “Gossip creates commonalities, and that’s just fun,” says Bechtoldt. We use it to satisfy our curiosity, distract ourselves from stressful situations, and sometimes create an ironic distance from what is happening. “People like to talk about other people’s lives and behavior.” After all, we also indulge this desire when we read the stories in the gossip and tabloid press, Real life-Watch documentaries, swipe through Instagram and TikTok or laugh at political comedy. “Gossiping can be very ironic and funny. We laugh together and feel connected.”

7. Targeted denigration

Up to this point we have been on the bright side of gossiping. Myriam Bechtoldt and Bianca Beersma call this prosocial exchange. Gossip works like a social early warning system, the authors write. It makes possible dysfunctional behavior visible and stabilizes group cohesion. The prerequisite for this is that those who talk about absent third parties have the right motives. Prosocial motives that serve to protect the group enable constructive gossiping. Egoistic or competitive motives such as self-enhancement, on the other hand, lead to destructive gossip. Then we move into the shadowy realm of blasphemy dark side.

Be careful, bullying!

Collegial, socially acceptable gossip is part of everyday life, but there are clear limits. Bechtoldt names three factors that can be used to determine whether backbiting is harmless or not: frequency, intention and effect. “Gossip turns into bullying when negative statements are systematic, targeted and last longer than six months,” says the psychologist. Antisocial gossip aims to expose, isolate or weaken people. “This also includes the targeted spreading of rumors, insults or denigrations,” says Bechtoldt. Such verbal attacks often affect areas that have nothing to do with work or behavior in a professional context. The gossips then complain about appearance, origins, personal behavior or private matters. This destroys trust, creates social insecurity and endangers the mental health of those affected.

The good news is that this nasty backbiting is less common than the constructive form. “Most people don’t talk about third parties in order to hurt them,” says Bechtoldt. “In anonymized surveys in which people provide information about why they gossip, it is also stated that they want to harm the target of the gossip, but that was the motive that was least important for the respondents.” Rather, they simply want to regulate their own emotions, maintain relationships or orient themselves. Just like the washerwomen probably did back then. The clatter of batons on wet fabric has ceased, but the importance of this exchange remains.