Addiction counseling for alcohol: two reports

Apparently happy, he was the drunkest too often – and didn’t question my behavior. I only realized that I had an alcohol problem when I was a divorced man in my early forties.

During my marriage, alcohol wasn’t a big issue. After the breakup, I fell back into learned patterns: I drank because I could, even on weekdays. One drink sometimes turned into three or four. I also lost the sociability aspect that I had previously associated with alcohol: I drank alone when everyday life or more existential self-doubts stressed me out. Alcohol consumption served me as an escape, a way to cope with the present and a terribly effective way to give my head a break. Knowing full well that I am only combating symptoms and that these apparent benefits are only good for me at that moment.

Functioning despite high alcohol consumption

I continued to function in everyday life without any problems, but at the same time I recognized harmful, increasing consumer behavior and felt increasingly uncomfortable with it. I wanted to seek help in good time, not because I was afraid of losing control, but because I wanted to free myself from this bad behavior.

The first time I tried to tackle this, I accidentally ended up at an illegal drug drop-in center. At my second stop, the addiction counseling service at the Charité in Berlin, they could only give me additional addresses because it wasn’t an inpatient stay for me. It was only at Diakonie’s alcohol and medication advice center that I felt taken seriously and in good hands.

Since May last year, at first every two weeks and now every four weeks, I have been telling my advisor there how I am currently feeling. He praises my self-reflection and the step of seeking help at an early stage and, unlike those around me, does not downplay anything: Because my alcohol consumption has a function that goes beyond enjoyment and sociability, it should actually be categorized as abusive, he says, and should in no way be trivialized. For many people, this is the beginning of a downward spiral.

A trained ear that helps

I don’t get any groundbreaking tips from him, but the advisor lends me his trained ear, and that helps me. I am aware of my problems and want to learn to act contrary to my habits. For me, our appointments fulfill the purpose of an interim goal of reporting on progress. I’m increasingly able to do that.

I haven’t been drinking at every opportunity for months now, only on weekends – in moderation and in company. My need also decreases in stressful situations; A non-alcoholic wheat is perfect for the after-work feeling. The more sport I do, the more balanced I feel. I sleep more deeply. I no longer numb negative thoughts on the spot, but instead endure them. My motivation: I feel noticeably better without alcohol. Only on dates does it continue to fulfill a function by helping me temporarily let go of everyday worries.

My advisor also confirms that I have become more stable and that I can – and must – stay on this path thanks to my positively expanded horizon of experience. I’m still as afraid of the next party with free drinks as I am of the winter that brings me down every year. Once you exhibit addictive behavior, you can’t get rid of it. But he can learn to deal with it and take the dangers seriously.

This is what the consultant says:

I have been working in addiction counseling since 2012. In the past, a typical client was in his mid-fifties, male and unemployed, but not anymore. We advise bank managers, the long-term unemployed and social workers. Addiction takes everyone, it doesn’t need a cover letter. All ages are welcome, from 18 to 76. The zeitgeist of optimizing careers, success and multitasking is finding more and more victims who compensate for their pressure through addictive substances.

Three further trends stand out: Firstly, other substances besides alcohol are increasingly playing a role, especially among younger people. Secondly, we recorded immense popularity during the corona pandemic because people drank their daily beer alone at home and only then questioned their consumption. Thirdly, the number of women talking about alcohol is increasing rapidly. Fifteen years ago it was 20 for us, currently we are at almost 40 percent, and that is a nationwide trend. The educational background of the women who come to us is higher than that of men. To do this, please report earlier.

Voluntariness as a basic requirement

We do not exclude anyone; our only advice is voluntary. Without your own urgent desire to change your behavior, any advice will be ineffective. You can come to us at any point in the development of addiction or abuse. We inform, illuminate and help raise awareness. This is not yet a withdrawal.

We take every person seriously, do not set any goals and meet them where they are. Addiction usually does the opposite. As a consultant, I provide support in the way my counterpart needs. Unlike many therapists, I see myself as a service provider. Our help is endless. I don’t have to report to any health insurance company. For us, success means when clients come back after the initial consultation for as long and as often as they need. They should learn to take themselves seriously and to talk.

A large part of our work is relationship work. It’s often about beliefs. In a core method I ask something like: What good has alcohol done for you? What function does it fulfill? Can you imagine if we found a sensible replacement instead of doing without? Addiction is just the symptom of an underlying suffering. Methods from behavioral therapy help as tools: daily and weekly lists, for example for structuring duties, needs or limits. Or emergency passports that contain, for example, early detection signs and coping strategies.

I also find the following insight important for those who are not affected: Everyone has to take care of themselves throughout their lives. People at risk of addiction fall into this category; that’s just their illness. Others stumble into burnout, develop psychosis, and get into an accident. You will experience consequences if you don’t take care of yourself. I see this in my job every day.